The Way To Be Discomfortably Numb
Our house is in the middle of a renovation and I wish I could say it was easy. Brooke and I went back and forth for years whether we should do it but decided for the long-term use of our house, it would be worth the pain. We are definitely in cramped conditions with two young children and not having our usual amenities setup. The kids are much harder to parent and it has been easy for us to shout out in frustration and ask this,
“Why is it so hard, God?”
Perspective hit me with a 2 X 4 today at church when we saw a casual friend who just had her 5th child. She was in tears when she saw Brooke. I found out later that her family was having trouble making ends meet and living with her in-laws. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable and frustrating that must be. Our discomfort was diminished in that moment.
We as Americans thrive on being comfortable. We set the thermostat at 70, we buy nice safe cars, we stay at our nice homes to watch a lot of movies and we drive to our churches without being shot at (hopefully). We have medication for just about everything in life to make us more “comfortable.” For the past few years there has been a war on this so-called financial group, the “one percent”. What amuses me is that even those who are complaining about the one percent are the one percent of the world. They just don’t look close enough in the mirror to see it. You who are reading this are part of the one percent so deal with it.
I have read about several POWs who were forced to endure years of living in cramped conditions only to brought out to be beaten. Watch the movie, Amistad (1997) and you’ll get a glimpse of what it was like as a slave being transported to the new world. Go visit any third world country and you’ll see dozens of people living in space smaller than your apartment. I’m tired of complaining and I’m sorry for you having to hear it.
Why do we complain when something doesn’t feel just right?
Why do we complain so much about not having things just the way we want them?
Why? We are discomfortably numb about life.
Luke 9:23: Then he said to them all,
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
I believe that God calls us to a hard life as Jesus commanded his disciples. It is harder for some more than others but in this discomfort God shows up.
God calls us to discomfort to gain perspective and recognize the possibilities of life.
When we fully understand this perspective, we are awake to God’s work in us and we can move forward. The next time I catch myself complaining about things, I pray for the courage to embrace this discomfort.
What about you?
How has God taught you through the hard times? Through the discomfort?
The Best Way To Gloat
Is not to gloat.
I think we all know that. But we still do it for some reason. Why?
History is against us and we can sit and complain about what happened in the Garden of Eden all day long. Still today, pride and envy plague the best of us because we’re human. It has the ability to overcome us and bring the worst out of us.
My latest bout with gloating was more in my head. It had to do with the confusion on why Albert Pujols is playing so poorly with his new team, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
As a die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fan, I wish so many great things for Albert Pujols. He gave us so much and I wish he would have stayed in St. Louis. I wish the negotiations last fall would have gone better. Oh I just wished he would have just come out and said that the decision to leave was complicated and it involved so many factors that only he, his family, and God knew. As of today Albert Pujols is batting .197 with only 1 homer after over a month of play in a new uniform with a near record 10-year contract. His performance thus far is hardly the impact compared to his previous 11 years batting well over.300 and belting 30-40 homers a year. As a Cardinals fan, he has made it quite easy to gloat especially since his team is in last place and St. Louis is in first. Even though I wasn’t openly laughing about Albert Pujols, in my heart I certainly was.
I’ve made my peace knowing that the Cardinals will move on and of course be fine. Albert Pujols is by far one of the greatest players of our generation and he’ll get his game back in due time and hopefully make an impact for his new team. I pray more that he’ll continue to embrace humility in this time to ultimately give more and more glory to Christ for why he is where he is. After all, his faith made as much of a headline as did his bat.
My encouragement is this:
If you are holding that grudge, let it go.
If you have an inner smile when someone you don’t like messes up, give it up. It will eat you up for years to come and you will never live free and wise to be the person God wants you to be.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. - Proverbs 11:2 (NIV)
Thank God it didn’t end for Adam and Eve that fateful day because in God’s plan, Christ took on their sin. He took my sin. He took yours.
Albert Pujols will forever be my reminder that God’s grace overcomes my gloating, my pride.
Stop worrying about your “Albert Pujols” and open up your heart to God.
When you do this, your ability to live free is glorious.
How To Get A Buzz On Your Best Day
In one of my favorite movies, City Slickers (1991), a question is asked amongst friends who were on a modern-day western cattle drive adventure,
What was your best day?
This is a great question to ask at different points in your life to get a pulse on where your heart is. I have a firm belief that in order to discover your heart that God gave you, it is essential to look back at the moments, in this case a day, to understand what stirs you.
For me, I remember driving through the Scottish Highlands with my good friend Steve Griffin and another South African friend. It was recommended that we go to the Isle of Skye in the west highlands. We weaved through long windy roads traversing historic and beautiful areas like breathtaking Glencoe, The Rob Roy Monument, and even the enchanting Eilean Donan castle. The day started by waking up in beautiful Portree, a small fishing village only to witness small boats heading out to sea with the sun rising above them. After a hearty Scottish breakfast of tea, eggs, and sausage, we drove and walked around the island. We drank water from the streams, walked along the coast, took pictures of the mountains, breathed in the beautiful air. Believe it or not, the Scottish Tourism Board isn’t paying me to write this as my sentiment is genuine.
After we left the island and drove north, we all were in awe and marveled at what we just witnessed.
I said to my friends,
“You know what would make this the most complete and best day ever? ”What if an RAF Tornado fighter jet buzzed through this beautiful valley?”
I had heard about military jets buzzing some of these valleys and since I’ve always been a fan of British and American airpower, this would complete it. Our South African thought we were delirious Americans who only cared about weapons. We laughed of course and didn’t think anything of it because of the unlikelihood.
Not five minutes later we heard a roar of a plane approaching us. I was in the passenger seat and could see it approaching us from behind us. With half of our bodies out the window, Steve and I went crazy screaming and cheering as a Royal Air Force (RAF) Tornado buzzed our car at almost supersonic speed.
After the plane roared on by, Steve said it best,
That’s the sound of freedom, baby.
I’ll never forget that day.
Our reaction to the RAF Tornado made me think of the awe and amazement of Christian Bale’s character, Jim, in the beautiful and tragic Steven Spielberg film, Empire of the Sun (1987) when he sees the P-51 Mustang buzz his concentration camp. Jim saw his “Cadillac of the Sky” as a sign that freedom is coming. I can imagine that it was Jim’s best day at that point in life, despite how hard things were.
Why does a best day ever even matter?
Since that day in Scotland, I’ve had several “best days” that have topped that one. I’ve been to the World Cup in Germany and seen amazing sights. I’ve also traveled around the Mediterranean to see Greek islands like Santorini. I think mostly about Brooke and I getting married and how beautiful she looked walking toward me at All Saints Chapel in Sewanee. I remember her smile, her grace, and beautiful blonde hair gracing her long flowing white dress all while walking along flowers. God was present that day, May 28, 2005, I know it. It was a “best day” indeed.
These “best days” matter because they give us a glimpse of heaven. It is a swagger in the golf swing, a tip of the hat, a wink of the eye. It is God showing us the way things are supposed to be and what we also have to look forward to for eternity in Heaven if we put our trust in Christ.
What about you?
What is your best day?
The Most Admired Iron Lady
Prior to watching the movie Iron Lady (2011) I figured that it would be a typical one-sided look at the conservative mind of Margaret Thatcher. Instead I found it as an intriguing study of an ordinary woman from an ordinary background overcoming incredible odds while the supporting character was her conservatism. It helps that the great Meryl Streep plays her (and well deserved the Oscar). Thatcher in the movie is quite quotable and didn’t rise up to become the longest-serving (1979–1990) British Prime Minister of the 20th century, and the only woman ever to have held the post for nothing.
“We will stand on principle… or we will not stand at all.”
There seems to be some truth to the line, “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” But how many amazing women don’t get noticed? The unsung heroes are also the ones I want to know. Even today as a man it seems more difficult for a woman than a man to succeed in a career outside of the home and we should admire them uniquely. My wife and I are blessed and humbled to raise two wonderful daughters and we feel the responsibility to lead them carefully. I’d love to look up to their mother, grandmothers and other female relatives to learn their stories of perseverance. I want to also intentionally introduce the wide variety of female heroes.
There are great women to admire like Margaret Thatcher, Mother Teresa, Anne Frank, Helen Keller, Susan B. Anthony, Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, Sandra Day O’Connor, Sally Ride, J.K. Rowling, Harper Lee, or even biblical characters like Mother Mary, Ruth, Sarah, and Hannah, perhaps. Like Margaret Thatcher, no matter what political philosophy one holds you can’t deny the spirit and tenacity of modern women like Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and Oprah Winfrey. These women did some amazing things whether in the forefront or quietly behind the scenes and slowly their story became told with time. I want to tell their stories to my girls and teach them about these women’s strengths and yes even their weaknesses. I want my girls to understand that none of these women were perfect but they made a difference because of some specific things and possess unique qualities to admire.
The qualities I’ve always admired in women who have made a difference are strength, faith, humility, gratitude, grace, perseverance, drive, patience, loyalty, and creativity.
Now I’m just white, 30-something male living in the burbs. But I am also a dad who cares about his girls and wants to introduce them to some amazing women as they grow up.
Ladies, what say you?
Who do you admire and why? Who inspired you when you were growing up?
Who are the unsung female heroes we can look up to?
Finding Joy with Mumford and Sons
Recently Brooke and I saw Mumford and Sons at the famous Ryman Auditorium in Nashville. I’d been a fan of theirs for a while but the experience seeing them live is something I will not forget. There were a few things that stuck out but one in particular.
They seemed to love what they were doing and here is why:
- There were smiles and laughter during the entire evening by all.
- Their harmonies reinforced that they are not centered around one person.
- They invited locals to play with them to bring connection to the community.
- They invited the audience to be a part of what they were doing and were gracious
- They danced, they were loud, and gave an unforgettable experience
The day of the show, the band had flown to Nashville all the way from London, England. They must have been exhausted from the trip and I can imagine for any band that a live show can be a drag when you are not sleeping much. They didn’t show any discontent whatsoever and seemed incredibly excited to play at The Ryman. I learned that Mumford and Sons perform like this at every show. It is now weeks later but their joy and enthusiasm stays with me.
What if in life I approached all things this same way as Mumford?
Life is not always the same type of art but can we aspire for that same type of joy?
I have plenty of friends going through very difficult circumstances so a post like this could be interpreted as insensitive. I’ve learned through time and through the Bible that I should expect trials and suffering. Personally life is not particularly easy now but compared to so many others, all is well in perspective. It is draining when you are going through any sort of pain but when you stop to look up and around you, you can see the light. I have a friend at work who said her nine-year old son was so worried about life, especially dying. I remember having strange feelings like that as a kid. It seemed irrational to me now but then it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Even with little responsibility, there is something about us that wants to worry and dwell on the negative. What does it get us?
I have noticed a common ebb and flow in life. It is an up and down of emotions and it is easy to get trapped in a valley. Just watch cable news and you’ll be never escape it. Some stay in that valley longer than others but in my experience the more I dwell on the fact that I’m in a rut the longer I stay there. James reminds us in this way in his epistle.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.-James 1:2-4 (NIV)
It’s a reminder that we’re not meant to live an easy life.
There is a reason for our pain because God refines us in the process and shows us what joy is meant to be. I want to live with joy the way God designed me. It has caused me to listen carefully to him for when he whispers through my experiences. C.S. Lewis reminds us,
God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.-The Problem of Pain
Next time I am feeling down I will be reminded of that Mumford and Sons night, go to prayer, read God’s word and find that joy.
It comes down to a choice. Choose joy.
3 Reasons Redshirt Kindergarteners Exist
I was impressed with the 15 minute story on 60 Minutes this week about “Redshirt Students”. I became aware of this issue since having kids and if you do not know much about it, you can read a great article in Huffington Post. To summarize the issue, many parents are holding back their kids to start Kindergarten a year later. Why? The idea is so their kids will be older and have an edge on other students. They could be physically bigger to be more developed athletes (read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers on Canadian Hockey players). They could be more advanced in the classroom. They could eventually be the first to drive at 16 to have a social edge. They could also be better leaders just for the fact of being older. It seems to be an issue affecting boys more than girls but nevertheless it is happening to both. I envision a Tiger Mom’s saliva dripping from its mouth at the thought of this.
There are plenty of negatives to this like being bored in the classroom, have behavioral issues, trouble relating to the younger students, etc. Yes, it is confusing for the kids.
But this is not about the kids.
Photo Credit: Premus
Brooke and I have two wonderful, unique, and imperfect girls. Our oldest daughter will be starting a Pre-K class next year so this issue hits home as we observe what other parents do for their kids. Brooke and I could technically hold back our daughter a year from Kindergarten and start her at 6 1/2. Yes, 6 1/2, which is crazy to us. Despite being the youngest in her class, so far she has every ability to keep up with the older kids. There are many instances of younger kids need to be held back, which is understandable and shows how each situation is unique.
The idea of redshirting students reminds me of my experience dealing with some of my friends’ parents at a young age. When I was even eight years old, I knew that these parents were pushing my friends at every sport. They verbally abused them, practically broke out a whip to keep them practicing, rarely praised them, etc. It was disgusting and if they were smart enough to start their kids earlier in school, they would have (maybe they did). But most of my friends who were pushed around so hard by their parents were stressed, unhappy, and eventually ended up in serious therapy (or should have). I am thankful for my parents were not pushy but encouraging in that process and ultimately helped me to be successful in the things I was most passionate about in those years.
Why do parents do this?
There are three reasons:
- Envy: They see other parents’ kids “succeeding” early in life. They see it as necessary to make sure their kids do the same or better. It is pure envy.
- Fear: God forbid their kids would not be the best in something or not succeed. They feel the need to “protect” their kids because they fear failure.
- Pride: Even parents want to feel significant. Perhaps it is through their child’s success? Perhaps they are trying to make up for some issue in their own life and forcing it on their own kids? But pride is at the root of all of this.
The redshirt life is about safety, control, and lack of adventure.
Brooke and I have discovered as parents how easy it can be to be caught in this trap. The idea of redshirting our kids is a reminder that Brooke and I need to give our kids up to God. We want to be great stewards with the gifts God has given us, especially our kids. But ultimately this all is a reminder that we need to give up control. God reminded me this week through 2 Timothy 1:7 (King James),
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
There will be many more times we will encounter issues like this. May we all be in prayer for our kids and to also ask God to reveal our own hearts in the process. The verse above is about trusting God, thinking with the good mind he gave us and to always act in love for our children.
Not So “Tweet” Reactions…
We live in a reactionary culture; in church, politics, sports, and just about everything in-between. The firing of ESPN’s headline writer Anthony Federico is the latest example of this.
I am the problem. Here is why.
After New York Knicks’ Jeremy Lin’s first loss as a starter, Federico wrote that there was a “Chink in the chain”. Jeremy Lin is of Taiwanese descent so to me and many others, the headline was cutesy racism that went overboard and it just made me mad. Here was my reaction on twitter the morning after reading (from other media sources) about the ESPN headline issue:
This was my reaction. Instead it was just a ”reaction to a reaction” because all I did was pay attention to what everyone else was saying, especially the media, civil rights groups, etc. I joined an online mob.
The ESPN headline writer was fired soon that day. I learned that Headline writers like Frederico have to come up with quick headlines every few minutes. Federico claimed that it was an “honest mistake”. Saturday Night Live did a great job with their sketch highlighting the hypocrisy of who can say what about races and get away with it.
Messages like mine are what puts ESPN in a position to fire someone without learning more and listening to all sides about why this happened. ESPN acted in cowardly fear. They were wrong and I was wrong. Who gets hurt? A promising young career is knocked down in the form of Anthony Federico, the 26-year-old who posted this headline. Anthony Federico issued this incredible apology after he was fired by ESPN. Read it here. I was impressed with his candor, thoughtfulness, regret, but also a helpful explanation about how it happened. He happens to be a Christian, which is relevant because I understand more about why he did this. Jeremy Lin is also a prominent Christian, which makes the media firestorm even worse.
After reading Anthony Federico’s response, it caused me to look deep in the mirror. I failed. I reacted. I was lazy and didn’t take the time to understand all sides of this story. I can think of dozens and dozens of instances where I have jumped to conclusion too quickly and people got hurt. Most of the time I was wrong and should know better. What I learned today is that I should have more of the character of Anthony Federico. I’ll leave you with his words:
My solace in this is that ‘all things work together for good for those who love the Lord.’ I praise God equally in the good times and the bad times.
Anthony, I am sorry. You don’t deserve this. We all owe you this apology. Please forgive us all.
Follow Anthony on twitter, he seems like a great guy. @antfeds
The Big Fish Irrational Life
Recently my friend Nathan Martin shared with me an obituary article about the man John Fairfax. Fairfax lived an extraordinary yet insane life filled with adventures rowing boats across the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, being a pirate (yes a pirate), living in the Amazon, and playing professional baccarat like James Bond. The article’s writer said it best, “He crossed the Atlantic because it was there, and the Pacific because it was also there.” Read his amazing obituary here. Fairfax seemed like quite a lost person but his sense of adventure and imagination is what inspires me most. If he were alive today, Mark Burnett or another reality show producer would be begging to follow and record his life.
So why do these crazy things?
Fairfax describes why in context of his rowing adventures.
“I’m after a battle with nature, primitive and raw.”
Fairfax reminds me of the movie Big Fish, one of my top 5 inspirational movies. It has so many lessons in it and the main character Edward Bloom is probably related somehow to John Fairfax.
Edward Bloom’s son shares about his father’s immortal life,
In telling the story of my father’s life, it’s impossible to separate fact from fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. It doesn’t always make sense and most of it never happened… but that’s what kind of story this is.
It’s easy to dismiss a life like Edward Bloom’s in Big Fish. Edward learned early about his purpose.
It occurred to me then, that perhaps the reason for my growth was I was intended for larger things. After all, a giant man can’t have an ordinary-sized life.
The movie is a reminder that we are all meant for big things in God’s eyes. I want to be remembered for having taken risks and gone on great adventures like John Fairfax or Edward Bloom. Perhaps I yearn for these adventures with a little more purpose to them and do them in a way to help others. Maybe at the end of life, those irrational experiences will actually be my reality, which is in God’s hands. My practical challenge to you is to start with a bucket list and write out 100 amazing things you want to do/experience before you die. I did this when I was 20 and have been keeping track of it since. Go one step further to describe why you will do each item and what the achievement will mean to you and others.
Have you ever imagined your funeral and what would be written in your obituary?
What would they say?
What stories would they tell?
Why I Hate Clowns (and you should too)
I hate clowns. Perhaps you should too.
This weekend Brooke and I will go on our annual pilgrimage with the kids downtown Nashville to see The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Yes, this is our third year of the madness. The kids absolutely love the animals and acrobats making death-defying flips in the air. But every year we see those ridiculous clowns. We break out in a cold sweat when they approach us. I try to avoid hating anything but for some reason I am haunted by these crazies. For crying out loud there is a dedicated website dedicated to “clown hatred.” It explains the rationale about clowns (my emphasis added):
They scare little kids (mine), they cause neurosis in some adults (me), they have big floppy feet (I have big feet, are they making fun of me?), they try to fit too many of their kind in a car, I could go on and on.
It was the movie Poltergeist (1982) that ruined me. The scene where the clown disappears from the chair across from the boy and then attacks him is a recurring nightmare. I think after I saw that movie, I threw every stuffed animal clown I had in the house and quickly gave up watching Bozo the Clown. Then Stephen King had to rub it in my face with the book/movie, IT. Good grief.
I simply hate clowns. Sorry, it’s personal. There was a period of time as a kid when I was playing with my G.I. Joes and I would find unique ways to kill my stuffed animal clowns. I am sure some of them are nice and do some good things like attempt to cheer up children in hospitals. But I don’t buy it.
Truth is, I am a clown. I wear the mask of a clown too often. I make all sorts of facial expressions to make you think better of me. I try to entertain and show a lot of color but ultimately look just like every other clown out there. I hide behind the makeup. I try to be someone or something else.
The beautiful yet creepy song “John Wayne Gacy” written by Sufjan Stevens has a haunting line that always makes the hair on my arms stand up. The notorious Chicago area serial killer John Wayne Gacy often dressed up as a clown to lure his victims. Sufjan saw something deeper at heart and expressed it in this line,
And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floor boards
For the secrets I have hid
So I may not be a serial killer but what do I hide? As a culture, I think we spend a lot of time and energy analyzing the sin of everyone else. I am incredibly guilty of that. The song is a reminder that this mask I put on each day represents the sin of my life. Until I take off this mask and makeup, I cannot truly be the person God wants me to be. I am just a floppy-shoed fraud until then.
I take splice in 1 Samuel 16:7
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
I pray every day for an honest heart that shows compassion, love and the ‘real’ me God wants in this world. May you as well.
What about you? Any clown stories you need to get off your chest?
The Most Disturbing Kids Movie Ever
I hope you get the idea from reading this blog that I love movies. I am developing multiple lists of movies to share with my children someday. When I was a kid I remember being exposed to several powerful movies for the first time. I was inspired by some of them and some of them haunt me until this day. My mother and I joke now but when I was eight years old I first watched Platoon (1986). Although a fantastic Oscar worthy film, most would agree it’s hardly one to introduce to an eight year old. To this day mom keeps apologizing about that, which makes me laugh and I then remind her that I turned out just fine. As that semi-innocent eight year old, I dreamed of being a soldier. I think she felt that me watching Platoon would provide some perspective about what the military could look like. Yep, after a couple of hours of Oliver Stone’s Vietnam, that was enough for me to abandon that ambition. (Thanks mom?)
Like anything in culture, each person has their own filter in what they are able to absorb. We can be molded by the world so I have become quite self-conscious on how my worldview is formed. It is a reminder that the world can be scary. I’m a parent now and my wife and I are trying to figure out what our kids should absorb when it comes to education and entertainment. Recently my kids (2 and 3) and I were watching Aladdin and it is one of the darkest kids movies I’ve seen. In fact, most Disney movies are like that I’ve noticed. I recently read about The Top 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies by Babble.com. Is your young child watching one of these? My wife has usually been the wise one to ask the question,
“Should the kids be watching this?”
In your mind you think that it is a great movie about heroes, villains, and a family uniting to save the world. What is wrong with that? Wait…but they hit and the even (gulp), kill the villain.
The tension is strong because we don’t just want to expose our kids to just fairy tales. We want them to be inspired but also see what real life looks like. One of my favorite Christian thinkers and commentators of culture is Phil Cooke. In his recent blog, The Change Revolution he noted,
After all, if we filmed the Bible, much of it would be R-rated, and occasionally worse. The Bible doesn’t gloss over real life and God apparently wasn’t afraid to tell real, authentic stories. I think the culture would respect our message much more if we stopped producing just cheesy, G-rated films and started telling gritty stories about real life.
Should we sugar coat life?
My check as a parent now is questioning “what, when, and why” I should introduce when it comes to entertainment, learning, etc. Most parents would agree that the book To Kill a Mockingbird has a life-changing message that every child should read. But I’m challenged to rethink when the girls are ready for such an important message. Most importantly, I am are challenged to pray for the wisdom to figure this out on a daily basis. Romans 12:2 cautions us to never forget that we must go ultimately to God for this discernment.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
What was the most disturbing movie you first watched as a kid?
If you are a parent, how do you filter what you share with your kids?
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